FORGIVENESS
I AM Forgiven! That's what my pastor says. That's what God says. If only I can learn to forgive myself.
The church was calling me for months but I only started attending on May 14th, 2006 "Mother's Day". I felt like I came home that day. I was born again when I was baptized on August 28th, 2006. And then it all started.... the guilt.
Let me start by saying that I have always "believed" in God but since the age of 14 or 15 have NEVER practiced being a good christian, far from it. I never thought of myself as a BAD person but looking back I was definitely a child of Satan.
My goal now is to eliminate the bad habits and fill them with new, good habits. I know what you're thinking, easier said than done. You're right, and I keep slipping up all the time. But with Jesus by my side I know I can do it. It's going to be a journey for sure.
Let me give you a background of my evil deeds:
I started smoking pot and cigarettes at 14, drinking, trying other drugs, and shop-lifting at 15, stripping at 17, lesbianism at 22 (I think, or maybe earlier), and these are just a few of the sins I can label easily. I could go on and on but I think you get the point. Basically, I have been blatantly sinning for 22 years.
And now whatever sins still linger have to be banished. I love God and Jesus too much. I want to see my grandmother in heaven. I want my daughter to have the opportunity to love God and believe in Jesus "whole-heartedly" from childhood. I don't want her to be 36 and saying "What have I done?" The shame is overwhelming!
God said the truth shall set you free. So here is my truth... am I free?
I AM Forgiven! That's what my pastor says. That's what God says. If only I can learn to forgive myself.
The church was calling me for months but I only started attending on May 14th, 2006 "Mother's Day". I felt like I came home that day. I was born again when I was baptized on August 28th, 2006. And then it all started.... the guilt.
Let me start by saying that I have always "believed" in God but since the age of 14 or 15 have NEVER practiced being a good christian, far from it. I never thought of myself as a BAD person but looking back I was definitely a child of Satan.
My goal now is to eliminate the bad habits and fill them with new, good habits. I know what you're thinking, easier said than done. You're right, and I keep slipping up all the time. But with Jesus by my side I know I can do it. It's going to be a journey for sure.
Let me give you a background of my evil deeds:
I started smoking pot and cigarettes at 14, drinking, trying other drugs, and shop-lifting at 15, stripping at 17, lesbianism at 22 (I think, or maybe earlier), and these are just a few of the sins I can label easily. I could go on and on but I think you get the point. Basically, I have been blatantly sinning for 22 years.
And now whatever sins still linger have to be banished. I love God and Jesus too much. I want to see my grandmother in heaven. I want my daughter to have the opportunity to love God and believe in Jesus "whole-heartedly" from childhood. I don't want her to be 36 and saying "What have I done?" The shame is overwhelming!
God said the truth shall set you free. So here is my truth... am I free?
posted by babychristian | 7:46 AM
2 Comments:
Holy Shit Misty - You were never a child of satan. You made bad decisions and lived wrongly - we both did. But, child of satan? I just find that a little extreme... BTW, I don't believe that being a lesbian is a sin. Just my little ole analysis there. xo, A-
ASYLUM SEEKER!!!!!
Ironic you used the word "Holy" (hee hee)
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