Passion of the Christ

I watched "Passion of the Christ" tonight. I saw it when it came out, but watched it with new eyes tonight. I cried through most of the movie. It's amazing the love he felt for everyone and the forgiveness he bestowed on us. I was blown away by the love I felt back for him. Look at what he went through for us... the pain...death, and all he wants from us is to believe in him. Pure and simple. How did I not see this so clearly before?

I know most of you think I've gone and lost my mind. If I could only begin to tell you how this came about. If you could only see what my heart feels. I've never been so sure of anything in my whole life. Even my own doubts that run through my mind don't feel real. They feel planted. Planted by the devil losing one more soul to God. How angry he must be...cause I know he thought he had me. He almost did.

FORGIVENESS

I AM Forgiven! That's what my pastor says. That's what God says. If only I can learn to forgive myself.

The church was calling me for months but I only started attending on May 14th, 2006 "Mother's Day". I felt like I came home that day. I was born again when I was baptized on August 28th, 2006. And then it all started.... the guilt.

Let me start by saying that I have always "believed" in God but since the age of 14 or 15 have NEVER practiced being a good christian, far from it. I never thought of myself as a BAD person but looking back I was definitely a child of Satan.

My goal now is to eliminate the bad habits and fill them with new, good habits. I know what you're thinking, easier said than done. You're right, and I keep slipping up all the time. But with Jesus by my side I know I can do it. It's going to be a journey for sure.

Let me give you a background of my evil deeds:
I started smoking pot and cigarettes at 14, drinking, trying other drugs, and shop-lifting at 15, stripping at 17, lesbianism at 22 (I think, or maybe earlier), and these are just a few of the sins I can label easily. I could go on and on but I think you get the point. Basically, I have been blatantly sinning for 22 years.

And now whatever sins still linger have to be banished. I love God and Jesus too much. I want to see my grandmother in heaven. I want my daughter to have the opportunity to love God and believe in Jesus "whole-heartedly" from childhood. I don't want her to be 36 and saying "What have I done?" The shame is overwhelming!

God said the truth shall set you free. So here is my truth... am I free?